My boundaries are clear

Today is a good day to review your personal boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are imaginary lines that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Boundaries also tell other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without boundaries, you give the power of how people treat you to others with the risk of getting hurt or disappointed. Because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated, and you haven’t expressed them yet.

So you can think of a boundary as a property line. 

When a boundary is crossed, you need to provide feedback saying it's not okay. The boundary is worthless if you don’t enforce it by giving feedback and consequences.

You might find some people will easily accept your boundary and others will continue to challenge and escalate it. Or they might simply need to be reminded like Mums teach kids the basics until the message is (eventually) registered and becomes part of their habit.

Why do you need boundaires?

• Boundaries allow you to be your true self

How does it feel to be YOU? Boundaries create a separateness that allows you to have your own feelings, make your own decisions, and know and ask for what you want without needing to please others.

• Boundaries are a form of self-care

Healthy emotional boundaries mean you value your own feelings and needs and you’re not responsible for how others feel or behave. Boundaries allow you to let go of worrying about how others feel.

• Boundaries help you say "no"

Boundaries keep you from overextending yourself. You can't take on every project, work every shift, or be on every committee that you're asked to join. Boundaries mean saying "no" to things that don't align with your priorities.

• Boundaries create realistic expectations

Whether it’s with a friend, spouse, neighbor, or boss, relationships function best when we know what’s expected. When you clearly communicate your boundaries, people know how they’re expected to behave. When expectations aren't communicated and met, resentment and anger grow.

• Boundaries create safety

Boundaries provide physical and emotional safety by keeping out what feels uncomfortable or hurtful.

Are you clear about your boundaries? Have you communicated them with ease and confidence? How about you start here: Take a piece of paper and start writing down what is important to you, for your personal space, your resting mode, your dreams and goals, your physical health, your emotional wellbeing.

Make it playful, as if you were writing a description of a yourself in third person.

Step over fear, raise your self-esteem, stop people pleasing, put yourself shamelessly first, honor your authentic self because you are way more than enough…Start here, start now.

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Abi’s Journal is a place where Abi shares the stories of people she meets, tips about wellness, and rituals. She lived 15 years in Japan and currently lives in Paris. Abi created The Abi Method, membership access to a 24/7 library of yin yoga, power yin yoga, meditation, and breathwork videos. By enrolling, you will be part of a community of forward-thinking women, dedicated to working on themselves, to feel happier and in better health.

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